Scaling Down

Well Hello everyone! I guess I am officially back in the “grind” of things. I haven’t quite gotten used to being 100% good with eating as I ate way too much for dinner last night. The upside is that I was really good all day yesterday until then and I have my “be strict pants” on today. I am going to the beach this weekend for a concert so I know I will cheat a little then but then after that...there is only cheating on Sundays until my birthday in May. I am also doing quite well with exercise. Yesterday was rough...today was a little bit better. I am still mixing up the running and walking on the treadmill and then also getting on the elliptical. I am really liking mixing up the exercise a little. Not only have I heard that it is good to have a variety of workouts for muscle confusion but it also breaks up the monotony. I haven’t been quite as fierce the last two days with running 2 minutes walking 1 minute like I was before I left but I chalk it up to all the ham, cheese, bread, and pastries still swimming in my belly and evidently the bottom of my feet. I know I mentioned this before but one of the treadmills makes this horrid noise when I run on it and not to make any excuses but that genuinely makes me go slower because I’m self-conscious. I’m seriously thinking about buying my own so I don’t have to subject myself to the awkward stares from Mr. Large and Toothless and Miss Mullet Muffin Top anymore. Anyway, we will see...I’m not exactly rolling in money after this trip. I suppose whatever I do buy I need to do it soon because in just a month or so I will be dealing with a heap of student loan bills. Ugh, I’m nauseated even thinking about what I’m going to do...which is why I try NOT to think about it. I either need to look into a PHD program or look for a way to make some extra money...and I kind of need to do it quickly.



Ok-at this point I am pushing all that negativity away. I felt pretty bad about my pasta binge last night...but I’m trying not to dwell. I think I’ve blogged about the fear of the scale before but I gotta bring it back up. Before I started Weight Watchers, I hadn’t weighed in 3 years. I knew that it would be bad...really bad and I was petrified to get on it. Stepping on the scale the first time after so long was pretty scary...it was also enlightening, sickening, depressing and a huge motivation. The past few months have been difficult...well...you know that...I have said something most days about how I’m struggling more than usual. I’m pretty sure the holidays threw me off and then Paris. I think the difficult part now is getting back to that original sinking feeling that I have to do SOMETHING. I’m not at rock bottom anymore. I’m not to my goal either though. I can’t diminish all of the hard work that I’ve done because I have done great but each time I don’t lose or gain some...it chips away at my spirit. I am dreading the scale right now. I haven’t weighed for two weeks...I’m sure I’ve gained I just don’t know how much. Sure, you can all tell me to just get back on that horse and I can tell myself that...but actually pulling out the whip and forcing myself to be strict isn’t that easy. This is the suckiest point in the diet struggle. This is the point where last time I just said screw it...I don’t want to do that and I won’t but...that stupid scale...it just taunts me. The upside is that in this point in the diet fight, I would have also given up on exercise. Weirdly enough, I am so not there. I wouldn’t say I enjoy shin splints but I will say that I am totally motivated about exercise right now. I have all of these ideas and things that I want to try. So, I guess the good news is...I don’t have to worry about that at least...for now. It’s just the food. It’s so important that I don’t have more than one serving in front of me because if I do...well...you can just forget it...it’s getting eaten.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed the pictures from Paris. I have been trying for two days to upload them to Facebook and it has been giving me all kinds of trouble. I have got about 100 pictures uploaded so that is major progress considering that after work yesterday...I tried for over an hour to upload pictures and it didn’t work. I will try to get the other 180 uploaded later...you can only upload 200 pictures per Facebook album so I think that was part of the reason it kept screwing up...it was having to deal with too many files.

Tonight I will have Moe’s for the first time in almost two weeks! I’m very excited. It’s one of the few places you can eat where you don’t feel like you are on a diet and it’s legal to eat there. I love it...but you already knew that.

I will probably be putting mostly Ingrid Michaelson lyrics this week because that concert at the beach I mentioned...yah...it’s her.

“They say you’re really not somebody
Until somebody else loves you
Well, I am waiting to make somebody
Somebody soon

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?

Home, home, home.” Are We There Yet-Ingrid Michaelson