Stretching My Feminist Muscles...It's Been Awhile.

I am feeling more confident today about my ability to catch up on school and TV. I only have a couple shows left that I’m behind on and only one thing for school due tomorrow to stress about. The rest of it isn’t due for a couple of weeks. Tonight is trivia night so I am on my fruit and veggie diet until I can get my hands on the beloved potato wedges. I went for a walk last night and the weather was really amazing. I think I will skip exercising in the morning since I will be up late and go for another walk tomorrow night. Fall is by far my favorite season and it is starting to FEEL like fall...finally.
I know I usually talk about weight loss and sometimes I even complain for several paragraphs. I actually complain more than I talk about food sometimes but I digress. I wanted to take a moment to discuss this Roman Polanski thing. Now, I don’t really want to talk about whether I think he should have been arrested or whatever. I wanted to comment specifically on the comment many people have been making (Whoopi Goldberg and Sharon Tate’s sister to be exact) that what happened between Roman Polanski and that woman wasn’t “rape rape.” From what I understand, 30 years ago Roman Polanski took a 13 year old girl, drugged her and had sex with her. Many of the arguments have revolved around the fact that it was “consensual.” I think that making a distinction between statutory rape and what has been called “rape rape” is a dangerous sentiment. When the line is blurred that way, it demeans victims of rape. Those comments belittle young women and children who are molested every day. He knowingly had sex with and drugged a young girl. The fact that he may not have been sure how old she was is irrelevant. You’ve seen the pictures of her...she was a child. Again, this isn’t necessarily about Roman Polanski or the fact that as a society we are quick to forgive celebrities for their indiscretions. I think it’s interesting that most people still detest Michael Vick for harming dogs (for the record, I still don’t like him) but want this Roman Polanski thing stopped because it wasn’t “rape rape.” What if it were your child? What constitutes as a “rape rape” anyway? What does that mean? Does violence have to occur? Does there have to be breaking and entering? No, we aren’t talking about an 18 year old and a 17 year old....if you are 30 years older than a child and you drug her and have sex with her...it’s rape. I am just shocked that people still excuse sexual misconduct towards women and children. I don’t know, maybe I am being too dramatic but I know that as a daughter...my father would have a hard time accepting a 40 year old man having sex with me at 13 as anything but “rape rape.” God, that sounds so stupid. I am so disappointed in that term. Again, I don’t care about Roman Polanski...he means nothing to me and I don’t know all of the facts of his punishment but I will say it’s interesting that one of the people giving him major support is none other than Woody Allen...hmmm.
I want to know the opinions of others on this matter. I hope everyone has a great afternoon!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Yesterday, a friend offered me the three extra tickets she had to the Asher Roth, Fall Out Boy and Blink 182 concert in Birmingham and even though my knowledge of all their music is limited, I thought it sounded fun and took my brother and his girlfriend. I thought the concert was OK. The weather was good and even though we were on the top row almost (which seems to be the story of my life lately), it was right in the center so we had a good view. One of the other guys that went hated the whole thing but I didn’t think they were bad and I was pretty impressed with the amount of noise that Blink 182 can produce only being 3 people.
Because of the late night, I didn’t exercise this morning. I plan on walking tonight and working out in the morning but it’s funny because I constantly find myself reasoning with...myself. I always try to justify everything I do even if I KNOW it’s wrong. The truth is, I was awake by six this morning letting the dogs out. I should have just sucked it up and exercised but no...I tried to go back to sleep...with no success I might add because of the STUPID, CRYING, OLD BATTY DOG of my parents. Honest to God...I may go to jail this week for animal cruelty. Let me just say that I love animals. Deep down, I think I love her too but she is truly the MOST obnoxious dog on the face of the planet. IT’S NO WONDER MY MOTHER NEVER GETS SLEEP. My friend Jordan doesn’t particularly care for animals. This is something I’ve never been able to relate to because I have always had an animal of some sort and my dog Pacey brought me through a very hard period of time. Usually, I just deal with dogs...slobber and all. I get confused when people don’t want a dog to touch them but I DO try and understand. More and more I can see why the Springer Spaniel by the name of Lady Savannah Dixie Bell at my parents house has become the most giant target for anger lately. She stinks, licks herself constantly and cries non-stop...for no reason. Also, she does this thing where she dunks her whole head in the water bowl and comes right next to you and either wipes her sopping wet head on you or shakes slobber all over you. I do say I hate her sometimes and I really don’t mean it. It’s one of those things where I can talk about my family and you can’t...she’s like a permanent hemorrhoid. Wow...you know...I started this blog with the intentions of trying to convince myself and anyone else not to make excuses but to do the things you are supposed to and I went on a rampage about a dog.
I’ll be honest. I am tired of not being able to sleep. I haven’t had a good night sleep in a really long time. I feel like I am always complaining about it but sleep is so important and I have this wretched (that’s rechid to you Jordan) anxiety at night. I think that if I slept, I would have more energy and it would bolster my weight loss. I am pretty desperate and have tried some solutions like wrist splints for my circulation but they always end up half off of my arms or making it worse. I tried Restoril which is like a night time insomnia caused by anxiety drug. It hasn’t helped. I want to preserve my friendships because not only do I complain all the time but I am in a bad mood a lot. Anyway, I got a recommendation to read the book “I Can Make You Sleep: Overcome Insomnia Forever and Get the Best Rest of Your Life” by Pail McKenna. We will see how it works.
Well, I am glad to have lifted your spirits today...I will try to be less inspirational tomorrow and tell a little bit about my problems. But seriously, if you made it this far...I appreciate it.

Drink your water!

Lately, I have been a picture of productivity. I sent off my thesis today which took a lot of work last night to finish. I am proud of it...I think I still need to go over it a couple more times before I am ready to send it out to book contests but it looks pretty good. Despite the fact that I have loved being a part of the Spalding program, I feel like I need a lot more work still on honing my skills. I also got up this morning at 5:30 and did laundry, let the dogs out, exercised, read and some other things ALL before work. So, I was proud of myself. I still have a lot left to do in the next couple of months before my graduation week in Louisville. One thing I am not too crazy about is how behind I am on my TV shows...it’s ridiculous. Thank goodness for DVR’s. I hope to catch up this week.
I ate pizza and parmesan chicken yesterday so it was a good dinner! Thanks to Oma for cooking it! I am very short on my attention span today. I can’t seem to stay focused. I have minimized this blog like 17 times...I’m writing it one sentence at a time.
The only thing I wanted to really mention today is the importance of drinking your water. I go through these phases where I don’t want to drink water and I hate it...luckily for now I am able to drink a ton of water every day and let me just say that if I were to stop now...I would probably gain 5 pounds in a week. It’s weird because if you go from drinking let’s say 10 sodas a day and no water to drinking 48-64 oz of water a day...I can pretty much GUARANTEE that you will lose 3-5 pounds the first week. I swear I pee all of my water out within 30 minutes. I’m honestly surprised that I haven’t gotten in trouble for peeing too much at work because I go constantly. I know that the water is good for me too...it cleanses me and SOMETIMES fills me up...though I’m not convinced that it really substitutes for a piece of fruit or snack. I think that water is something that everyone can do, especially if you sit at a desk all day. There really is no good excuse for not drinking it. Plus, if you have to take a lot of bathroom breaks...you are also moving some which is good too. If you don’t like the taste then you could try Crystal Light or something like that. How about this...if you are thinking about starting a weight loss journey of your own and you aren’t sure where to begin...start with drinking 64 ounces of water every day for a week. You will probably lose a few pounds and feel good about yourself.
I think that is all my brain can handle for today!

Setting a goal

I am sitting here today procrastinating as usual. I even considered trying to take a nap. I never nap but laying in the bed was pretty much awesome. Even though I didn't want to...I got up to get into work mode but decided to put up a recent picture and post before I got to work. One of the components of my weight loss program is setting an ultimate goal. I can see that this is a good idea...especially because if you reach it and maintain it...you get free membership. I have avoided doing an ultimate goal yet because quite honestly, I have a long way to go and I was worried that a goal that is going to take me a couple of years might be discouraging. I have been very happy with my tiny victories. I was thinking yesterday though that I need to come up with a goal just so I know exactly how much I want to weigh. I was looking at what someone my height is supposed to weigh and I am SUPPOSED to weigh 150 pounds at the MOST. This just seems ridiculous to me. I haven't weighed that much in a long time. I come from a family of women who are all very thick and stocky. No, this isn't the typical "I'm big boned" speech but I AM naturally...thick. That's the only way I can really describe it. The last time I lost weight...I was only about 10 pounds away from being at a point where I just wanted to maintain. I wasn't SMALL then. I have never been skinny...ever. So, for me to see myself in a 4 or 6 is just not something I can even comprehend. Also, if I set 150 as my goal...well...at the rate I'm going it may take me 3 years. They say the last little bit is the hardest to lose and I can see myself getting very upset and dismayed trying for months to get down to 150 pounds. Anyway, I haven't decided what my ultimate goal is but I am working on it. I guess I should decide soon. I am very sore today after the torturous game but I should be ready to get up at 5:30 am tomorrow to work out. Should be a blast!

Hey Razorbacks! We just beat the hell outta you!

OK...just briefly as an extension of yesterday's blog where I explained why we sometimes feel fat for no reason...it happened today. I went to the Bama game of course and the news has been predicting the whole week that it would pour down rain at the game. Well, it did rain but it only rained during our 15 minute walk to the game. My cheap little rain jacket from Old Navy didn't do much to protect me so by the time we got to the Grotto (the place where I tailgate before the game), I was completely soaked. The rain stopped right before game time, which is good, but by that point I was soaking wet and sweating on top of that because it was so humid. Usually, our seats are on the lower level of the stadium but this week we were in the end zone on the top row! This means we had to go up 5 or 6 levels of ramp and then like 60 stairs to get to our seats. I seriously thought for a minute that I may die. The rest of the game I just sat there and sweat the whole time. I even took off my shirt and only wore the tank top I had on under it. My hair was just dripping in sweat. I have always been one to sweat. I sweat like a huge, grown man. I don't know why...I think that I also get that for my Dad. Inevitably, the perspiration that was literally dripping from every part of me was making me feel very bad about myself...even though I lost 2 pounds this week...bringing my total to 35.8 pounds!!! I will try and post pictures tomorrow. Anyway, my uncanny sweating issue never makes me feel great...but I am settled down now and fed and ready to be asleep. Tomorrow is going to be hectic because I have NO choice but to finish some school work. I'm sure I will make time for my short weekend blog.

la coo ca racha.

The weekend is upon us and that makes me glad. So, I feel like I will do more reporting on the last 12-24 hours rather than talking about food in this post but it seems like a lot has happened. First, I spent ENTIRELY too much money yesterday. I discovered a new accessory store in town and it’s AWESOME. I am really into earrings and purses and I was overwhelmed by their selection. I almost cried. After work, I had to buy special paper that I have to print my thesis out on and that cost me $25! Then I got my hair cut which was $30. I went to look for a pair of jeans at this store right across the street from the salon because I only have one pair of jeans and ended up with 2 shirts instead so that was another $25. I had to get gas: $31 and then I had to refill my prescriptions for $35...so yesterday wasn’t a good day money wise. I make a decent living but I have loans I am going to have to start paying, a credit card I need to get down and a savings account I need to get back up so when I have a day I spend a lot of money...it makes me all panicky.
When I got to my parents, I watched the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy. I’m not sure if you watch this or not but somehow that show always outdoes itself when it comes to being EXTREMELY sad. Grey’s has been my favorite show since I started watching it 3 or 4 years ago except for the 3 weeks after the fairy incident that I try to forget. I started crying uncontrollably after the first 4 seconds. I mean I had a long day and wasn’t in the greatest mood AND I KNEW it was going to be sad so all that combined...well...it was ugly.
While we were watching, I saw a giant creepy crawly making its way along the wall. I should say that I hate bugs. I am not interested in butterflies, lady bugs or lightning bugs...I hate them all. I am genuinely scared of them...I AM TERRIFIED OF ROACHES...they are my greatest fear. They are disgusting and heinous and after I see one (especially at night), the chance of a restful sleep is out of the window. Also, I have what I call a 6th Roach Sense...it’s like I know when they are going to be around. I could feel this roach’s presence before I ever saw it. It went under the TV and THANK GOD Jordan was there. I told him I saw it and right at that time it showed its ugly face. If you are from the south you know there is a difference between a regular roach and a BROWNBACK or WOOD ROACH...these are GIANT roaches with wings and they come AT you. It doesn’t matter if you live in a box or mansion...in Alabama...the roaches don’t discriminate. Jordan got up and against what he would normally do (chase it down with Raid) he stomped on the devil. When he lifted his foot up...the roach RAN IN MY DIRECTION...then...Jordan (my hero) did the bravest thing I’ve EVER SEEN. He lifted his foot up, stomped AGAIN and drug that Satanic beast all over the den carpet...THEN...if that weren’t enough...he shielded my vision so I couldn’t see the debris. I mean...who could ask for more? Despite his efforts, I was still very jumpy the rest of the night.
Tonight, I am going to dinner with my Oma and then after that I am going to help a friend’s son get some games on his new iTouch. After that, the goal is to work on school so I can actually enjoy my weekend but something tells me that Sunday is going to suck. Tomorrow is the 1st SEC game of the season...I’m going...even though it’s supposed to pour the whole game...ROLL TIDE!

Sometimes, you just feel fat

I am happy to report that my mother was feeling better before they left yesterday and my parents made it safely to Atlanta. They are probably in the air still on their way to Boston, Massachusetts so I pray for their continued safety and fun! I got to sleep in their bed last night and forgot what a room with windows was like in the morning. Maybe I should move to Alaska in the winter...there is nothing worse than being woken up with the sun in your eyes. That’s the best part about my little nook of a room. It always looks like midnight in there. Also, I forgot that the aging Springer Spaniel living in the house has taken on the hobby of crying...for no reason...all the time. So, maybe I will be used to it tonight.
It’s interesting because as overweight person (and maybe this is just me), I often feel fat for really stupid things. I think I have talked about this before but sometimes even the mere act of ordering food makes me self conscious sometimes. My mother and I are known for spilling things on our shirts while we eat. The fact that I spill food often probably has nothing to do with my weight, although I do wonder if it’s because I am in such a hurry to get the fork to my mouth, but I still feel fat when it happens. If you’ve ever walked around in public with a giant barbecue stain on your white t-shirt, you would understand. Another thing that I am known for is falling. I am extremely clumsy and have fallen in the most awkward, embarrassing situations. Last year, at a birthday party, there was a giant foam pit to jump into. For some reason, I thought it a bright idea to wear WHITE sweat pants. So, I go to jump in and I am buried in foam and you have to essentially SWIM out of it...it took TWO people struggling to drag me out of this pit and when they finally did...all I could do was sprawl out on the floor, borderline dead hoping to God they weren’t filming. They were. Later that SAME night...I walked into their carport which was wet from a water fight and my foot slipped and I flew in the air and landed on my butt. Both of those instances combined with the fact that I was probably at my very heaviest did not lead to the greatest self esteem boost. Oh! I have another good one...I had foot surgery in 2005 and my Great Grandmother died and I was on crutches during her funeral. As I hopped through the parking lot up to the funeral my crutches slipped on the pavement and I tumbled to the ground...crutches, cast and all. Regaining my dignity and whipping out the temporarily handicapped card...I got up to go again. I got about 2 feet before I fell AGAIN...same way. This time, I just laid there...watching the funeral director show me how to use crutches. Nobody has forgotten that little gem. Most recently, I went to use a chair to get something from my brother’s closet. My Dad warned me not to use the chair because it was broken but I did anyway and AS I was standing on it...it just...collapsed underneath me. So...I fall a lot and inevitably, I feel like a beluga whale every time. It could have nothing to do with my weight...but I fall a lot...and I fall HARD. I don’t think I am alone in this. Sometimes the weirdest things can make us feel bad about ourselves. I have mostly gotten used to my clumsiness now and I rarely get embarrassed anymore even if I’m tripping in front of my boss up the stairs or rolling down the hill in my neighborhood when I walked after it rained.
OK- Tonight is the premier of Grey’s Anatomy AND Private Practice and I am SO excited. It feels like it’s been forever since they’ve been on and I can’t wait to see who dies on Grey’s even though I think I already know and also what happens to Violet on Private Practice. I am so glad TV is back but honestly, it’s probably NOT a good thing. I have to mail a completed thesis this weekend and with TV, hair appointments, eating, working and sleeping...my schedule is pretty full. Just kidding, I’ll make time. I always do.

I don't fight, I don't argue...

My parents are leaving for a New England/Canadian cruise tonight and I have to teenage brother/dog sit at my parents for over a week. I am OK with that for the most part. I don’t like to alter my routine but I am bringing everything from home that I use on a daily basis...except Jordan...but he will have to bring himself over from time to time. My poor Mom rarely gets sick and she discovered in the middle of the night last night that she has a stomach bug of sorts and feels bad. I hope you feel better Mom so you can enjoy your vacation...YOU DESERVE IT! Also, they have to drive to Atlanta tonight where apparently they are assembling the next ark at the Six Flags. Hopefully, their VERY PLANNED trip will go without a hitch.
I was thinking the other day about how in just a couple of years (2012) my brother will graduate high school, it will be my 10 year high school anniversary, my parents 30th wedding anniversary, my parents will BOTH turn 50 and I will have been at my current job for 5 years. I mean...wow...that’s a busy year and it also means that I, and more so my parents, are getting very...”seasoned.” I guess that’s all part of life...hopefully there will be a man for me in that little 2 year plan I just worked up.
I am not sure if you know this or not but I have some mild anger management “shortcomings” and from time to time I have found myself in what you might consider a “verbal confrontation.” I have had a few instances where my mouth has gotten me into trouble. I tend to say what I think and while I would most likely lose in a physical fight, that doesn’t stop me from screaming at people. I say all that to present this question...why is it that when you are even the slightest bit overweight, the first thing out of a person’s mouth to retaliate is ”Fat Bitch!” I mean surely there are cleverer things to say to someone. Pointing out something that shouldn’t come as a shock doesn’t seem to be the most efficient arguing mechanism. It’s never a creative variation of the phrase either. If you are going to call me fat, at least give me a fresh perspective on the matter instead of the same thing I have always heard. Even the idiots I went to high school with were a little more inventive than that. When I argue, I generally have points and sub-points as to why that person should be punched in the throat. Perhaps the people that have called me fat in anger are so stunned by my wit and spectacular ability to be right that “Fat Bitch!” is all they can come up with. I’m not sure but just so everyone knows...that no longer bothers me. OK, I’m fat and I think my own mother has uttered the “B” word my way before...even if it was under her breath. Insult my intelligence or abilities...that’ll get me worked up.
OK-Again, I hope my parents have a GREAT time and I will try to keep my brothers hormones and homework in tact while you are gone. Eat enough lobster, steak and dessert for me and clearly, bring me back a souvenir.

Behind those hazel...THIGHS?

I am currently sitting at my desk listening to “From a Distance” by Bette Midler. I think my headphones may be jacking up my brain. I have found that since I started blogging, I put my more useless status updates on here rather than on Twitter and Facebook. I can’t tell if that is a good thing or not. I could have predicted that would happen. Since the status update was invented, I have sought the medium that I am addicted to the most at the time to let everyone know that I would be eating, sleeping, working, crapping, driving and whatever else inane activity AND what time I was doing all that. I am not a very private person. If you have known me for any length of time, you will know most everything about me. Perhaps I should keep things more sacred but if I did...what would I tell my 3’s of readers?
I have been thinking a lot today about Kelly Clarkson. This isn’t the first time. I love her music and overall I think she is precious and on days when I give Jennifer Garner a break from being my girl crush, she or Carrie Underwood fits the mold just fine. Usually, I am concerned for KC’s (yah I abbreviated it) career. I mean I KNOW how great ALL I EVER WANTED is and how ALMOST awesome MY DECEMBER was...but I am afraid everyone else is gravely uninformed. The fear of her fading from celebrity is not why I have been thinking of her lately though. I saw her on Diva’s and while I do agree that her derriere is rather thick...I do NOT think she is fat like people are saying. I HATE when blogs and news outlets point out when people have gained weight and all of a sudden they are labeled as fat. I would just like to point out that a size 6, 8, 10 or even 12 is not fat and if you think it is...I’m giving you my big fat middle finger right now. Can you even imagine the pressure celebrities (especially women) feel if they gain even 10 pounds? Of course, Kelly Clarkson isn’t the only one that has faced scrutiny. People have also called Jessica Simpson fat. They try to cover it up and say that what ruined her career was her country album (which I still contend was not THAT bad...ahem) but I say it had A LOT to do with the probably only 10-15 pounds she put on. If people will remember...she lost about 50 pounds for a movie...could you maintain that? Kirstie Alley and Oprah are also called out every time they fluctuate. Even Kevin Federline is all over the news...why does anyone care if HE gains weight. He is a complete loser who feeds (literally) off of a divorce check...OF COURSE HE’S FAT! Anyway, I don’t care how big Kelly Clarkson gets...she can sit on the end of the stage with an Italian BMT for all I care as long as her voice doesn’t crack when she hits the climax of “Because of You.” Leave people in Hollywood alone. Look at yourself for once.
OK-I think the rant is over. I am just glad that my Before & After pics aren’t on the front page of the local paper every time I fluctuate. I worked out really hard this morning so I hope that continues tomorrow...I will let you know I’m sure.

Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Today is Monday and it’s very...manic...for a lack of a better term. I am still hustling to finish things for school and the hardest part has been the strict formatting that my school requires of my thesis. Microsoft Word has proved to be not entirely easy to use in regards to Tables of Contents and page numbering that isn’t “normal.” I know that there are ways to do the things I need to get done but I have asked highly appropriate people and they can’t help me either. I am close to a solution...albeit a very inconvenient solution.
My mother made Japanese stir fry last night complete with shrimp sauce and chocolate cake so it was another successful cheat day. I didn’t exercise this morning because I stayed up late watching the Emmys so at lunch I did crunches and lifted weights and I plan on exercising when I get home from work. I can definitely tell that I am more sleepy and grouchy when I don’t follow through with the normal exercising, then showering routine in the morning...plus...it’s just more convenient to get it all over with before I come to work.
So, I am the kind of person who has a crush most of the time. Mostly, these crushes are based on the personality and availability of the person. I am not the most confident girl in the world when it comes to approaching guys and I am sure it has something to do with my weight. I am really ready to go on a date. I won’t say how long...but it has been awhile since I have had someone besides my family pay for my dinner. I am picky but I think that I am a good catch and I believe that I shouldn’t settle for just anyone. This has all recently come to a head in my mind when my GRANDMOTHER mentioned e-harmony to me at lunch a few weeks ago. First, I had no idea that she would even know what that is let alone suggest it to her 25 year old granddaughter. Second, I hardly think that I can be considered a spinster yet. I wasn’t offended but it did open up the already salty wound I have from being single. I am very independent and most days I don’t even notice but I can’t help wanting to vomit and spit on those in happy relationships. I have always said that I would try and find someone when I lose weight. Well, I’m 25 and I still haven’t reached the weight (or even close to it) that I would want to be to feel confident in approaching a guy. Today (I say today because it could all change tomorrow) I have decided that I shouldn’t worry about those that won’t speak to me because I’m overweight and take a chance on those that I think I wouldn’t like. People can say very hateful things. I am not naïve...I know what people that haven’t seen me in awhile or men that I consider friends of mine have said behind my back. It can be very hurtful but it shouldn’t hold any importance in my life. I guess the main goal is to first know that I can survive on my own. I think I can. Don’t get me wrong...I rely heavily on people in my life for support but all in all...I know that I will be OK. I also need to incorporate myself into more places and groups so that I am not seeking men only at church and in bars. That can be very confusing AND limiting. I also will not be confessing my love to any guy any time soon. Every time I have ever put myself out there to a guy...it hasn’t worked out. I would like to be asked out for once. OK- If I don’t stop now I could go on forever.

Procrastination Sensation...a new band name?

When I woke up this morning I felt like there were cinder blocks laying over the top of me. I think I could have laid there all day. I got up though to go to church because I had to watch the kids in the nursery. I'm not entirely sure if I was on drugs when I committed to the nursery once a month or if I was having one of my biannual maternal moments but for some reason I agreed to do it. I was in no mood to do it and of course all the kids were screaming and it wasn't fun but whatever...it didn't last long. After that, I went with my friend Jordan and his family to a seafood place on the river here and had fries so my digestive system is not very pleased with me. I have much to do before dinner and the Emmys tonight so I think it's best that I get to work on those things. Procrastination is my number one talent in life.

Barbecue & Blisters

I am beginning to notice a weekend trend of short blogs but I am not going to mope about it...Sometimes there isn't that much to say. I had a good weigh in day...I lost 1.4 (a trend lately) which brings my total to 33.8 pounds. HOPEFULLY, next week I will be down 35 and I will post a new picture. After my meeting, I went to the Bama game. In my attempt to wear decent shoes, I wore my Naturalizer flats. Apparently, they were too long and needless to say I ended up with blisters ALL over my feet. It was miserably hot and humid at the game. We won but I wasn't in the best of moods. The heat tends to make me flex my anger muscles. I went to my parents and my mom grilled out hamburgers AND there was barbecue. Somehow I managed to avoid any binging sprees today. I was proud of myself. I've been pretty lazy tonight and I won't make any exceptions now. I will speak to you on cheat day!

IT HAS GOT TO BE 5 O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE!

I am so excited that it is Friday. I love knowing that I have 2 days off ahead of me, especially since I spent most of the day yesterday thinking the weekend was already here. Last night, I saw The Time Traveler’s Wife with my mom and Stacey. It was good, depressing and odd, but good.
Since I’ve started this blog I have acquired some fans, 10 to be exact. With this fame, I am subject to much acclaim but I have to say…there is also a dark side. Despite the support I receive from my dedicated readers, I do from time to time receive complaints. I recently was told by one of my minions that I was a little TOO self deprecating. I can see this. Most of my creativity stems from my ability to make fun of myself. Actually, I don’t know who I am really without self deprecation. I do agree however that self motivation and love is also a very critical component to weight loss so I thought I would try and toot my horn a little so I don’t scare anyone into reserving me a padded room.
1) I haven’t bitten my nails in a few days. I’m not saying that haven’t been in between my teeth, primed and ready, but I am saying I haven’t bitten them off.
2) Today, while everyone at work was enjoying fried chicken, pizza and things smothered in cheese, I was eating Baked Tostitos, salsa, and a black bean burger. I was very proud of that.
3) 3 People outside of those that live with me have noticed that I have lost weight in the past 48 hours. I feel a bit bloated today because I didn’t exercise and my belly looks a bit more full than normal but clearly, I’m doing something right.
4) I have managed to blog every day since I started. I have a hard time keeping up with things which is why I have school work to do this weekend but I am not too keen on the fact that reading and writing will interfere with my social life.
5) I ordered clothes online that came in yesterday and only one thing fit (and it was a little snug). I know that doesn’t sound like I am being nice to myself but I am really just proud for not having an emotional fit in front of my roommates. (Just FYI…the term “Boyfriend Jean” translates to “Skinny Jean” in the plus sized clothing world and no offense…but no one over a size 2 should be wearing anything called a “Skinny Jean.”
So, there are ways that I can write that don’t involve self deprecation. I am just not comfortable with them. I do love some things about myself. There are other things that I don’t hate about myself but it’s easy to make fun of them.
I know I say this a lot…but I am really tired today. My lack of decent circulation was in rare form last night…it seemed like every time I got into a comfortable position, my feet, hands or thighs would go numb. It sucks…I am so restless and wired at night that I just can’t sleep. One day…

In a bad mood...

I keep thinking today is Friday and then realize it’s not and almost have a breakdown every time. I don’t know if I have mentioned this before but I am in grad school to get my MFA in writing and I am graduating in November. I knew that it would come quick but I LITERALLY choked out loud a few minutes ago when I saw some of my deadlines. Just typing about it is making me nervous and nauseated so I will try to move on. I am going to dinner and a movie tonight with Stacey and have a football game on Saturday and then other than that…I guess I have to work on school. I am having a hard time because on one hand, I want to keep going and get another Masters or a PhD because eventually I would love to teach college but then again…I really want a break. I’ve been in school for over 20 years and just want to work with no deadlines. I’m afraid if I don’t go now though I will work my life away. I guess I just have some things to think about.
This morning, I got up to exercise. You may not find that impressive but usually, I don’t get up on Thursday’s because of trivia the night before but I decided to roll my butt out of bed anyway at 5:45 and go swimming. I was/am SO exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping that well and so I was none too pleased to get a bathing suit and towel on and go swimming. When I got there, I walked into the pool area and the whole place was filled with smoke…I guess there was a wire burning or something…I don’t know but it meant I couldn’t swim. I would have ridden the bike or something but I had flip flops on and a bathing suit. I was SO livid. When I got home I did some crunches and lifted some weights, showered and got back in the bed.
I have been lifting these little 3 pound weights every night. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I just know that I want to get rid of my elbow boobs (my mother calls them cabbage patch elbows). Either way, I have a difficult time figuring out how to work off the fat that hangs over my hips, elbows and ankles. It’s like the fat has ownership over those parts of my body. It doesn’t want to leave. I mean I get it…you’ve been there for years. You wouldn’t want to move from a place you’ve lived for 25 years just because the neighborhood is under construction. I’d be willing to pay it though…a lot…if it would just get the heck out of dodge.
Anyway, I guess I will give swimming another go tomorrow morning. A friend of mine is trying to convince me to do a 5K run/walk in a couple of weeks and I’m just not sure I’m ready for all of that…especially since they are so early. I just haven’t grasped the concept yet of paying someone to walk that far. I mean…if you want a charitable donation…just ask. I’m thinking about it but the forecast isn’t great…I’m just being honest. I can’t even keep up with my mom in a 2 mile walk when she is SUPPOSEDLY walking slow.

Forget the Louvre...I'm going for the Croissants

I am going to get a passport today. I actually had one when I was 2 months old because I was born in Germany on an American Air Force Base but clearly…I have to update it. I am pretty excited even though my picture looks like a mug shot. The passport is the final step in the process…our plane tickets are purchased and everything is reserved! I have already planned to go off the dieting wagon in Paris which is kind of sad because we don’t go for 6 months. I just wouldn’t be able to pass up cheese and bread in a place KNOWN FOR CHEESE AND BREAD. We are also going to Germany…I mean…they are meat and potatoes kind of people. When in Rome…anyway…hopefully, I will be much more established in my diet and be able to maintain with all the walking we will do. I would actually like to be down 40 to 50 more pounds by then…maybe I can stuff a hot French or German dude in my bag for the trip home. I assure you there will be many more mentions of this trip in the months to come.
So, every once in awhile I try something of mine on that hasn’t fit for quite some time just to see what happens. In most cases, I am disappointed because what I’m trying on fit me after I lost weight the last time so I still have a good bit of time left. Today, when I was picking out earrings, I noticed my college class ring. I graduated from college almost 3 years ago and I would venture to say I haven’t been able to wear this ring in over 2 years. It’s not a ring that I would wear often but it’s a simple gold band but I would pull out once in awhile to wear with my neutrals. I am wearing brown and gold today and it caught my eye so I decided to try it on. It actually fit! I was so happy. The truth of the matter is, I have man hands. I think I’ve mentioned that before and I REALLY do. I have long, fat fingers. I can almost palm a basketball. They are really long and have short nails…so when I DO wear a ring, it’s usually pretty big to match up to my finger. This is just a band pretty much so it doesn’t look great when I hold my hands out…it kind of makes a roll come over the ring but hey…it fits. Remember how I said that I was all for tiny victories? I really am.
I have some more sinus issues and despite the antibiotic and decongestant…I’m still not 100%. I worked out harder than usual this morning and I don’t think that helped. I would venture to say that from the time I was very little until now, I have had an ear infection for at least 50% of that time. I was the nerdy kid with allergies that had to get shots once a week. Since moving out of the valley of Chattanooga as a small child, things got a bit better but it flares up from time to time. I think I will skip the cardio the rest of the week and just go with swimming above water. I feel like such a poser when I swim. Since I can’t go underwater (swimmers ear), I bob around for 30 minutes and take my butt home. Oh well, any exercise is good right?

Nervous Habits

If it is considered a nervous habit, I probably do it. I think that I get it from my Dad but you can often find me chewing pens, popping my knuckles, bouncing my leg and I even get a nervous twitch in from time to time. All of those things are far less disgusting than my oldest past time…chewing/biting my nails & fingers. I also get this from my father. He would always keep my nails clipped as a little girl and eventually I started biting them off so it was no longer necessary to clip them. So, I would say I’ve been biting my nails for at least 20 years. I know people that have stopped including my Mom and my friend Jordan but I mean…I’m already exercising AND giving up the food I want…what am I supposed to do? The quick of my nails is almost always exposed and I often have to remove puss from my infected fingers (gross I know). I chew the skin around the nail so they hurt as well. I realize that there are a ton of germs under my nails and it’s a miracle I don’t have some sort of bacterial disease by now. So, I have TRIED to stop biting them. I had two nails that I could actually see the white of and it was just miserable trying not to bite them. I would chomp down and then yell inappropriate slurs at myself and reluctantly put the nail down. I decided to buy some junk that helps them grow. It’s like a clear polish. First, I can’t paint nails…I always paint my whole finger and I have man hands anyway so I never bother. I figured that you couldn’t see my mistakes with the clear. Let me just say it looks like I went hand first into a Slip ‘N Slide of baby oil…my freaking nails glimmer in the light. I have been applying the daily coat it says to and I SWEAR they haven’t grown at all. I want to bite them off so bad. I’ve had fake nails twice before and BOTH times all of them were chewed off by the end of the night. As far as I can tell…the crap isn’t working…if anything…it looks like they’ve stopped growing. I’m just glad that nails aren’t any calories (OK that was cheap but I considered it to be a knee slapper).
I hope I didn’t forget to mention that I won’t always be talking about food. I mean despite what I believe most people think, I am not ALWAYS thinking about food…I mean 98% would probably be a fair estimate. As a healthy person (and I am speaking for myself) there are times when I feel like people are always thinking that I shouldn’t be eating. “I know she didn’t just order food…I mean my God will she EVER be full.” OR “Yah…she WOULD order the fries instead of a baked potato.” I could be wrong about this but being the type of person that pre-judges, I don’t feel like I am. I even feel that way now when I order a chicken salad with fat free dressing like they think I’m trying too hard or thanking the heavens that I am ordering lettuce because it looks like I’m 3 tater tots away from cardiac arrest. I guess I am just paranoid. The truth is that even though I am self-conscience, I really don’t care what people think but it is annoying when most servers look like they came from the freaking Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and you’re all “Can I have steamed broccoli?”
Anyway, I don’t guess any of that was very encouraging. Here’s something else…I had a VERY sore throat this morning so I didn’t get up to exercise and now I feel so bad about that I’m going to have to figure something out. I am beginning to hate exercise. I always get to this place. I wish I were one that enjoyed it but…I’m not…don’t worry…I’m not ready to quit or anything…I don’t have the money to replace the clothes I’ve thrown away. I am still motivated…just tired today.

Complaining about complaining cancels my complaining out...right?

I’m an abrasive person. Most of the time, I say how I feel unless it could get me in trouble or physically injured and even then I come close to crossing the line sometimes. I have just been very intolerant lately of people who seem to get off on self-pity. I am a complainer by nature. I feel like I am always complaining but I think there is a difference between venting and sucking the life out of those around you about the same thing over and over again. I’m just not good at faking sympathy for people who choose not to do anything about their situation. For instance, I’ve been overweight a long time but you don’t see me crying in public every day because I’m fat because if I did, I would expect the response to be… “Quit eating then!” I don’t know I just don’t feel sorry for people who aren’t willing to bend or change or realize the error of their ways. I have examples from my life that I could share but I don’t think I need to. I think everyone knows someone that just drains the blood from them every time they speak to you. These people have made me lose faith that people can change. I spent a good portion of my college years waiting for people to change, one person in particular. They still haven’t changed so I’m glad I got off my behind and realized that just like you wouldn’t fuel up on arsenic, you shouldn’t surround yourself with toxic, poisonous people…although it’s sometimes unavoidable.
Since we are talking about complaining, or I guess I am…I wanted to express my irritation with the major grocery store chains like Wal-Mart and Target. I am not going to discuss the usual complaint which is that they rob Mom & Pop shops from thriving but instead, I want to launch a whole new complaint all together. It seems like every time I find something that I LIKE to eat that isn’t bad for you and tastes good and is filling, I only find it once. I have had several occasions where I go back for something I fell in love with only to find a piss poor substitute. NEWSFLASH WAL-MART & TARGET—when you sell out of something, you should probably bring it back! I love chicken cordon blue and there was a frozen version that wasn’t bad and they didn’t have it again. They’ve been out of my broccoli, my cream cheese and all kinds of things. That drives me absolutely nuts. I spend a lot of money at these places, especially for a single person, and I expect them to quit providing me with swine clap and hepatitis from their shopping carts and bathrooms and instead give me the freaking chicken I like. I MEAN YOU DON’T MESS WITH A BIG GIRLS CHICKEN! I’m sorry…I didn’t realize I was going to get angrier as I typed. The point is that I just want my pre-breaded, fully cooked, ham & cheese stuffed chicken breast for seven points you know…YOU KNOW? The next time I find them, I will buy them all…I no longer care about the concerned looks from cashiers based on my grocery decisions…that went out the window a LONG time ago.

A Short One For Monday Eve...

I am so ready for bed. I want to sleep but I know what waits for me when I get up...work. I am not too excited about starting a work week but that's what being a grown up means right? I was talking with Jordan and my family tonight about my time in college and sometimes I have to admit that I miss those days. I miss ordering pizza on my Bama Dining Dollars, staying up til all hours and working at a student job where I could write my papers. Oh well, those days are over. Anyway, I decided to stay away from fried food today since I had the fries last night even though it is cheat day. I went with a really fattening salad instead for lunch and it was good but did nothing for my digestive system. So, of course, I sit here on another Sunday night with a soured stomach from my binging. From my couch I can see a pile of clean laundry on my bed that needs to be tended to before I can sleep so that's why I will return to my rambling, longer blogs tomorrow. In other random news, Jordan and I wrote checks for our trip to Paris tonight. We are going during spring break next year with my family and emptying out my savings made it really real...but it will be worth it!

In under the wire...

I wasn't going to blog but my OCD won't let me skip a day just yet. Today was game day so I didn't have much time. I want to keep it short but I will say that I neglected to eat most of the day because I didn't know what I would be faced with and I was scared I would end up splurging on a hot dog or something so I was saving my points. I ended up resisting the BBQ at my tailgating spot and then at the stadium I thought I would be good and get a grilled chicken sandwich but they were out so I didn't eat for several hours. Because of this, I stopped by Arby's on the way home and got a roast beef and...fries...please don't tell anyone. Surprisingly, I only went over a couple of points and I'm pretty sure that I walked enough to cover those. The moral of today is to eat a little more before the game or bring a snack or something so I don't binge like a maniac on curly fries. Tomorrow is cheat day but my goal is to not make myself sick like I usually do. In case you didn't know...Alabama won so it's all good. The blog should be more in full tomorrow...I know you were worried. :)

Side Boobs & Camel Toes...An Ugly Truth

Yesterday I thought I would do my part in stimulating the economy and went shopping at lunch. I first went to the hub for fashionably large clothes: Lane Bryant. Most of the time I find their clothes too expensive and yesterday was no exception. I tried on a dress that was down a size and it fit so I was going to get it even though I have 457 black dresses but changed my mind at the last minute and decided to do a bra fitting. I have never actually had one of these before. Luckily, I’m not a modest person because she was all up in my grill. I have never worn a bra that was over a size C. When I got bigger, I just increased the band size and called it a day. When she measured me, she measured me a size down on the band and said, “OK…looks like you are a double D.” I laughed in her face. I was like, are you sure that doesn’t include side boob? There is a distinct difference between side boob and front boob. When you go out on the town you put your bra on, you bend over and pull from the depths of your side boob and bring those things to the front. I didn’t know that they counted that. I told her I had padding and that I just thought she was wrong. I ended up with a “D” as some sort of compromise because she said my current bra was doing “nothing for the girls.” So, I felt confident in my new fitted rack and thought it necessary to buy 4 bras so I spent 100 dollars at lunch.
After that, I went to Old Navy and decided I was feeling brave and tried on their biggest size pants they had…guess what? THEY BUTTONED! I’m not saying I didn’t have a camel toe…because I did…but in a few weeks I might be able to wear them for real. I’m all for tiny victories. I am sort of in between sizes and I need some winter clothes but I’m so cheap. Luckily, it doesn’t get that cold here so I can get away with skirts for a little while longer. I have been on the hunt for a cute shirt to wear out but I’m not having any luck and I need to lose probably 30 more pounds before I feel comfortable in a fitted extra large…so I will hold out for all that. Since I had a lot of weight to lose, 31 pounds is a good start but I have never been comfortable in tight clothes so I don’t plan on starting now…I am trying to be patient. I have ALMOST gotten down to the weight I was BEFORE I lost 40 pounds on the Atkins diet so…I’ve got awhile.
I have a very busy weekend planned. I am eating with my parents tonight, riding to Huntsville with my friend Whitney to pick up her baby (the little one stayed with Whitney’s in-laws for a few days), going to the football game tomorrow night, church Sunday morning, Chuck E. Cheese Sunday afternoon for a 3 year old's birthday party and then dinner at my parents Sunday night. I’m pretty sure you didn’t need the run down but sometimes it helps to lay it out there.
Also, I don’t know when she will read this or if she is too busy but I wanted to give my friend Stacey a shout out because I have respect for anyone that can be a stay at home mom with a newborn and a 3 year old. Both of her children are adorable and awesome but I get a taste of what the reality can be from time to time and it’s tough…so I got crazy respect for you Stacey…Let me know if I can help even though I desperately lack maternal instinct. :)

Everytime I tried to think of a title a Prince lyric popped in my head so I gave up

I think that I can go down a size in my khaki and black pants because I don’t have to button them and they are baggy. This is good in theory but bad because I don’t want to spend the money on pants if I continue to lose weight. It did take me 30 pounds to go down a size, so maybe another 30 to go down another? That is a pant investment I can get on board with. They say that you should throw away all clothes that are too big for you. I did that before when I went on the Atkins diet a few years ago…it really sucked buying all those big sizes again because a) it costs money and b) it reminds you again and again that you blew up like a balloon. I remembered getting the question from my ex-boyfriend…”Well, what happened? You were doing so well.” You can imagine that conversation didn’t go great and the important thing is, I’m not bitter. I digress.
Anyway, I have gotten rid of some more clothes this time because I looked like a tent in them. I have kept the biggest pair of jeans I’ve ever had. I thought about hanging them on my wall but was worried that they wouldn’t have room (I have a small room jackass) and then I had this image of me climbing up to get them in a few months because they fit again. Can you think of anything more pathetic than having to take the thumb tack out of your HUGE pants that are hanging on the wall because you had an unfortunate incident with Cool Ranch Doritos one day and just let yourself go?! I can’t. Well, the only thing that may come in a close second is if someone has lost a bunch of weight and they offer you their “fat” clothes (which is insulting enough) and then THOSE clothes don’t fit. Yah…that’s happened to me before.
A totally different direction… I have invited MOSTLY everyone to read this blog. I have Christian friends that may be surprised when I say I’m going to drink. This is the first time in my life that I refuse to play to different crowds. The facts are that I love God and have come through some tough times on the mere hope that God exists. I also like to have a couple of beers once MAYBE twice a week. I am by no means a lush but if it bothers you that bad then either a) don’t read my blog or b) pretend I’m Presbyterian. I am not reckless and don’t condone underage drinking or anything like that and frankly, it’s my business. I have a foul mouth that I inherited from a few folks but I never want to make people uncomfortable so I do TRY not to say things that would upset anyone. Other than that, I consider myself to be fairly Christ-like with the exception of “sinning in my anger” from time to time. I’m working on it.
Ready for yet another complete tonal change? I hope so…also you probably think I have multiple personalities. All of us would like to apologize for the confusion.
Since this isn’t a political blog, I WON’T express my frustrations with politicians AND the media OR the fact that I think that over 95% of them are empty, bad people that don’t care about my interests or the interests of others. I will say it’s on my mind and while I certainly lean a particular political direction, I won’t call any one party out because today…I hate them both. I believe every lawful human and every child should have the right to public service and that is all I will say. Since my faith in the government is non-existent, I really want to start thinking about volunteering. I do a LOT of talking. I want to be involved…help people directly…I’m tired of waiting on the middle person. That’s all I will say because today I could type for days and piss off people I love and where will it get me? Nowhere. The filthy humans that lie and cheat are certainly NOT worth fighting with the people that will always be there. *Rant stops here.*

Hi, My name is Heather and I'm an over eater...I LOVE CAKE!

Once an over-eater, always an over-eater. Much like alcoholics, there is no pill or quick fix for my addiction. Things can improve and the urges to binge simmer down a bit but on the inside, I am always thinking of food. It is the basis of my thought process. What is my next meal or snack? Today is a bad day. There is a birthday party at work today and the menu includes: sausage balls, cocktail weenies, chips, salsa, a cheese jalapeño dip, corn dip, a shrimp and cheese ball, crackers, birthday cake and mini-red velvet cakes dipped in white chocolate. My contribution included veggies, hummus, fruit and Baked Tostitos. So, I filled my plate with carrots, broccoli, grapes, a couple strawberries, some Baked Tostitos, and salsa. In order not to have a temper tantrum in front of God and everybody, I also filled two wheat thins with two of the different dips and had one of the mini-red velvet cakes (they are about the size of a grape). Despite my probable, slight underestimation of points, I think I did pretty well and I was satisfied until about 2 seconds after I ate the last grape.
I’m not hungry. That’s not the problem. I don’t eat for mere sustenance. The fact that all those foods are back there is almost impossible to deal with. I can’t get my mind off of it and have literally almost teared up a couple of times. The cake is probably the hardest challenge. I am going to a child’s birthday party Sunday (cheat day) so I know I can have some then but that doesn’t seem to be providing any comfort at this point. You may not understand how I feel but would you understand if I were a crack head and I told you that they displayed a table of narcotics 5 feet away from my desk? Maybe that will provide a better prospective. I know that some people would tell me to just have the freaking cake. It’s just one piece. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I didn’t get to this place by having one piece of cake every once in a while. I’m not trying to be emotional, although Sarah McLachlan is playing in my headphones (that may explain the whole thing), I just wanted to share a real experience. Hopefully, I will stay away from the table that plagues me. In fact, I know I will. I CAN stay away…I just may have to take an early lunch. Ok…Missy Elliott just came on…I guess I should restart my blog now and see if it has a different tone…but I’m not.
Tonight is trivia night. I look forward to that and could probably eat a little more today if I weren’t going to that but I chose the good food tonight. If I let myself slide on the stuff here, I will graze all day.

Dieting Breaks The Bank

Today is back to the grind day. I am very happy about the short work week. I went to Target and managed to spend over $40. I spent over $60 at Wal-Mart on Sunday and over $100 maybe a week before that. I don’t know what happens. I go in with a list every single time.
I was going to talk about how to save money but the truth is I really don’t know. I am only one person so it doesn’t make sense to buy in bulk. If I buy produce it usually goes bad because I don’t want to eat the same thing every day and I find that in order to prevent a mold frenzy in my refrigerator, I feel like I have to eat the produce every day until it’s gone. The individual servings of things are by far my favorite but they are very expensive so I usually pay way too much. I bought these broccoli & cheese servings “for one” today. The name is kind of offensive. I don’t need my frozen vegetables to point out that I’m single. I am already WELL aware of that and sitting at home eating my frozen square of broccoli and cheese food product “for one” doesn’t make me feel any better. Anyway, I also try to buy generic brands of things if they taste the same. Overall, spending all this money is still less expensive than eating out every night…I guess. I don’t really want to add it all up in case that’s not the truth. As a side note, I bought this bread called “Sandwich Thins.” I’m sorry, I forgot the name brand but basically it can be used as a hamburger bun. They are whole wheat and are really thin. I also bought hamburger patties that are already cooked so I can have cheeseburgers this week. The burgers are in the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head which probably means they are highly processed but so are the ones at McDonald’s so I thought I would give them a chance. I haven’t reached a plateau YET but for some reason, I feel like it’s coming. I haven’t NOT lost weight one week yet, so it is only a matter of time before they crush my dreams and say in a whisper “OK, you are up 1.3 this week and that is JUST FINE.” Anytime I don’t exercise as hard or I sneak a bite of someone’s dinner I throw my hands in the air and say to myself, “Well, that’s just great Fatty McFatterson…do you WANT to gain weight…HUH? Do you?!” I didn’t say I was logical about it.
A few months ago (and I feel like this is a pretty big confession), I purchased something called Flirty Girl Fitness. It’s DVD’s that do chair and pole dancing as well as “sexy dances.” I ordered the cheapest one skipping a stripper pole and feather boa that I figured I could do without. I received the 2 intro DVD’s and of course they lay unopened. The other day I received a very heavy package on my door step and I discovered two heavy, pink balls inside. Immediately I knew I must have missed some fine print and was signed up for some sort of reoccurring package/charge thing. So, I called them “Press 1 for all Flirty Girl Pole Questions and Press 2 for ALL other Flirty Girl Inquiries.” I imagine that there are multiple accidents with the poles. I for one knew that if I got one, I would end up with a cracked skull, sprawled in my “work-out” clothes with a pole on top of me and that there would be a picture of that image in the paper. Anyway, now I have to pay to send the stupid thing back but I included a stern letter demanding they not charge me anymore. That is your warning about Flirty Girl Fitness, that and if it sits there on your bedroom floor, you will in fact NOT lose 20 inches in 10 days. Whatever.

It's my day off...and it's almost over... :(

I am currently enjoying my day off but it is already well over half way over. I need to find time to exercise even though I already passed up one opportunity. I always feel bad when I let the day go by without accomplishing anything and against my better judgment, I don't think I will count watching Knocked Up and playing Mario as being productive. It is also quite challenging to NOT eat everything in the house but I have also done OK with that.
I wanted to talk about bringing your own food to events. I think that many times people think that they are being rude whenever they don't eat the food that their family and friends cook for them but if they can't see that you are just trying to be a healthier person, then you probably don't need them in your life anyway. Also, you might think it is weird to bring your own food but I have found that most people don't care. Every month at work, we have something called "Big Friday." The name is ridiculous but it is intended to be a team building event. Basically, it means that everyone brings food. The past two were hard because one was a cook out and one was Mexican food themed. At my job, it is important to be involved so I didn't want to skip out on the party. For the cookout, I brought my own bread and a turkey burger. It really wasn't that bad. After I put cheese and ketchup and mustard on it and paired it with Baked Lays, I had plenty to eat and got to eat with everyone else. For the Mexican party, I brought my own Baked Tostitos and put a little hamburger meat, lettuce, onion and salsa on top and had my own little nachos. I'm not saying that after that, it's easy to pass up the desserts and casseroles but it IS possible to eat with everyone else without being a spectacle or going hungry. I also brought those same Tostito's to a Mexican place on margarita night with friends. I ate before I went and instead of margaritas, had a Diet Coke and chips and salsa. It's not as fun and you may get some strange looks when you pull a baggie of baked chips out of your purse, but you aren't reversing your whole week with 3 margaritas and a quesadilla. Lastly, I brought my 96% Fat Free hot dogs to the football party I went to the other night. Again, if you bring your own cheese and bread and add plenty of lettuce, onion and mustard, it tastes pretty good. I did cheat a little by having a few crackers and a no bake cookie but I felt OK about that because I didn't waste it on eating a huge hamburger and hot dog like I once would have done. Don't get me wrong, I am sitting here sulking today because I can't work up the energy to work out and all I want to do is eat but I plan on getting back on the ball tomorrow. I have drank the water I am supposed to today! I figured I should do one good thing!
Anyway, I am going to end it there. I need to keep busy contemplating what I need to be doing. Thinking about tasks can really wear you out...

I can't turn down barbecue & peanut butter pie

It's freaking 9 o'clock and I haven't blogged yet. I was going to skip but because of my "problem" also known as "that girl is crazy" syndrome, I decided to go ahead and update. Other than my usual Sunday gluttony, there isn't too much to report. My mother made a delicious breakfast and coincidentally, it was my turn to bring breakfast to church so I brought doughnuts. Much to my surprise, I only ate one doughnut and it was a mini-doughnut. It was lunch and dinner that got me. I had lunch with the Pittman family and they had barbecue. I ate so much. It has been a really long time since I've eaten barbecue so I buried my face in a bucket of sauce and had not one, but two brownies. They were small. I'm sort of embarrassed but that's what happens every Sunday. My mom and dad grilled chicken and had hashbrown casserole AND peanut butter pie. I am now currently molded to my couch, leaned over with an awful pain in my side and I'm pretty sure the only removal procedure would be the jaws of life. I am looking forward to tomorrow because I don't have to work but the problem is I will be left here sitting...thinking...I wonder what I can eat around here for one point. It wouldn't be a problem except I do that about every 30 minutes. I will try and keep myself busy as to keep my mind off food which actually means I will lay in bed and watch Food Network, wishing Giada was making lasagna in my room with porn music in the background (You will only understand this reference if you actually watch the Food Network). I know that as a "diet blogger," I should tell you that I resisted temptation today but this is real. People that are trying to lose weight are faced with the fact that everyone around them is eating awesome food and you aren't. That's it. There is no sugar coating. Last night, I grazed a little when it came to crackers and snack food but I don't think I went over but I can assure that it was VERY difficult not to. Today was a different story...but that is what cheat day is for right?
Well, Alabama won even though they had me scared for a few minutes. The next few games should be a bit less stressful, I hope. I also think I convinced my mother not to make ribs tomorrow. We will see what happens, I'm hoping it's nothing too intimidating. Tomorrow I may talk about bringing your own food to places because I think it's important to make sure you have options at work parties, social events and even when you are just going to dinner. Yah...I think I'll do that...not that I plan what I'm going to write...I would never be that OCD in planning...just like I don't plan what I'm going to wear for the week...that would be weird.

THIS IS ALABAMA FOOTBALL!

BOM BOM BOM BUM BOM BOM......BOM BOM BOM BOM....BOM BOM BOM BUM BOM BOM...BOM...BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM....Sorry...all that was me trying to spell out the beginning of the Alabama fight song. In just a few short hours, The University of Alabama will be kicking off their very first game of the season. In 1995(I think), my Dad was offered a job in Tuscaloosa, AL and had it been in any other city, we might still be living in Chattanooga. My Dad has loved Alabama football since Kenny Stabler was huge in the 70s and he has bred it into my brother and I as well. We will be watching the game at the house of another family we are friends with (the game is out of town) and it is all that has been on the minds of people around here for at least a few weeks. This morning, I went to weigh in and I was down 1.8 Pounds which brings my total to 31 Pounds! I was excited...maybe I will make my goal within 2 years. I know that sounds like a long time but hey...what else do I have to do for the next 2 years? I also went to make sure I didn't have swine clap...and naturally...I didn't. Just my typical, stomach, reflux and allergy issues...but better safe than sorry I guess? I generally don't believe that...I hate the doctor but still managed to freak myself out. I then went to get a pedicure. I have a deep-seated hatred for feet but mine are kind of jacked up lately so I went to get one. It wasn't bad although the toothless guy massaging my calf thought it would be funny to tickle my feet after he saw it bothered me. I got a bright red color called "Vodka & Caviar." Yah...that was really the name of the polish. The first choice was something like "Mrs. O'Leary's BBQ" but the man didn't like it. Whatever, my toes look better.
So, the house I am going to tonight will be filled with grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, chips, beer, soda, junk, junk and more junk. Against my real desires, I am bringing my own hot dogs (Hebrew National 96% Fat Free) and bread and beer. I REALLY don't want to be good but I decided I still wanted tomorrow as my cheat day so I am just going to suck it up and chomp on my Kosher weenies and be happy about it. Everything you got out of that last sentence was intended. I will hopefully be too focused on the game to worry about food (that probably won't happen) and I will make through without a hitch. I am still thinking about how awesome it will be to be off on Monday but looked at my parents with longing eyes as if begging them NOT to make ribs. We'll see what they do. Roll Tide! Hopefully, I will be in a good mood tomorrow after Alabama rolls over the Hokie's.

An aside.

I just realized that I talk a lot about bagels and cream cheese at the beginning of my blogs. I am going to try and not do that anymore.

Also, I was published again on the site I posted about a few days ago. This is the last one for this site for awhile because I only submitted two. The picture that is above it is one that I took.

That is all.

View the poem here:

www.public-republic.net

A Tale of No Peanut Butter

Today is Friday, the weekend of Labor Day which means I get 3 days off of work. I am SO excited. Aside from a few school things I plan on doing, I want to have a true 3-Day weekend…one that is filled with football and relaxation. That’s right, it’s football season and we love it here. I will probably blog about all the great football food I won’t be having tomorrow but that’s OK.
This morning, I went to have my mini wheat bagel and realized I was out of cream cheese. I decided to use peanut butter but had to use a very tiny amount because I found out an ugly truth about the creamy wonder. It’s TERRIBLE for you. Now, I realize that nuts give you protein (yes, I giggle immaturely every time I type or say nuts) but they also give a LOT of fat. In 2 tablespoons of crunchy peanut butter there is 16 grams of fat! There is also up to 12 grams of fat in the reduced fat version. If you have a cup of peanut butter, there are 41 points that come with it. You could have BOTH a Baconator AND 2 McDonald’s Double Cheeseburgers for that. Now, I know people don’t generally have a cup but if you add it to each apple slice, it certainly adds up. So, I can have 1 tablespoon for 2 points and that’s what I did. It’s amazing because I never really ate that much peanut butter before I started dieting, but now, I consider it a delicacy. It’s the same way with crackers…I am always craving Ritz now. You wouldn’t think that crackers would be that bad for you but there are 5 grams of fat in every 5 crackers. If you are the kind that can eat only 5 Ritz then…good for you…at Thanksgiving I can eat a whole sleeve with my mother’s cheeseball. I guess the moral of the story is to make sure and look for nutrition facts because there are many things that claim to be healthy but are really, little carby, fatty devils trying to deceive you. Don’t you ever wish that you hate cheese, bread and potatoes? I do…I despise pickles, peaches, beans and cabbage…all things that aren’t bad for you and all things that I have either not ever liked or had a really bad experience with as a child. I kind of wished that at age 4 I got a stomach virus after eating ranch and mayonnaise and the thought of them disgusted me…alas…the thought of them brings joy to not only my sandwich…but my life.
Well, I will keep it short today. I plan on writing about how football obsessed we are here tomorrow, though I could never truly express it in words. I feel less tired today so I am holding off on the swine clap testing because I hate the doctor but I am still not 100%. Also, my friend Cassandra’s boyfriend asked me if I had a curly tail growing out of my butt. I know that he was referring to swine flu but you know…it still felt like a fat joke. Just kidding…(I often accuse people of making fat jokes…I like making folks uncomfortable sometimes.)
Lastly, I joked yesterday about being self-indulgent and really, I think that we all can be sometimes. Even though I often talk about myself, I know the value of the people I have in my life. Sometimes it takes certain news or struggles that you or other people go through to realize what you have, but I do. I am so blessed to have a wonderful group of family and friends. I KNOW that if I were to disappear today that it may not mean much to some stranger but there would be people that would notice I was gone. I also know that despite what my friends and family go through, even if I can’t empathize, I will be there for them. I have an infinite resource of support so I wanted everyone to know how thankful I am and if anyone ever needs to talk or just sit in silence, let me know.

It's all about me...

Naturally, I woke up this morning stuffy and sore and someone else at work has a child with the “swine clap.” I can’t take credit for that name…thanks Jordan. So, again, I’m all paranoid but I am pretty sure I am sans fever at this point so I am thinking a Sudafed and 12 ibuprofen may be the trick. Also, I did what my mother always told me to do when I didn’t feel well and went to sit on the toilet. The magical single stall downstairs at work was occupied so that was my sign that I needed to wait awhile to see if that trick will work for my ailments.
Last night was trivia night and the potato wedges were SO worth a sandwich without cheese at lunch. One of my friends that plays for another trivia team pulled me to the side and told me she could tell I was losing weight so I was completely elated because it’s always nice to hear. So, I told her it felt good when people can tell and she said sometimes it takes awhile for people notice and then proceeds to tell me she has also lost about 30 pounds. Immediately, I could tell. She looks really good but at that point I had already neglected to say a word and had successfully talked about myself for 5 minutes. So, the dilemma was…do I look like a jackass and go…”you look good too!” OR I could just not say anything…which makes me look mean. I went with option B only because the window of time had passed to tell her she looked great…which she really did but I was so vain that I didn’t notice. I have GOT to remember that I am not the only person on this planet trying to lose weight.
You know, for someone who has self esteem issues dating back to a very young age, I am extremely self involved. Ask anyone that knows me, if we sit down to dinner and there is a mirror ANYWHERE near…you can forget me looking you in the eye during a conversation. I don’t understand why I’m like that…it’s not like I always like what I see. I’m not completely EMO, there are certain attributes about myself that I don’t mind but for the most part a mirror is not my friend…and yet…there I am doing different vogue positions in my rearview on the way to work, narrowly escaping many car accidents I’m sure. I also talk about things going on in my life a lot without asking about others. I’m not totally selfish, I do try and do nice things for people but I feel like I take control of the conversation many times. I mean…obviously I like to use the letter “I” a lot or I wouldn’t have a blog about…who else? Me. There is not many things more self-indulgent than a blog. Maybe that’s why I started it so I would stop boring my poor friends and family to tears about the person I want to strangle at work or what I ate for lunch every day in the week. The point is, I am going to make a concerted effort to applaud others in their weight loss journey because they are your only partners that really understand what you are going through. I can’t stop looking into all mirrors and placing them at strategic angles so I look better because…that’s just me.
Alright, as I think I have mentioned before my best friend Jordan has an aunt who has had a pretty rough battle with breast cancer and we have started a website for her so people can follow up on her progress and also donate in order to help with the medical bills and travel expenses. If you would like to help, you can go to her website, www.angelburnett.net and read about her and her beautiful family. If you can’t help monetarily, that’s fine, just please keep her in your prayers.

REFLUX, SWINE FLU & BACONATOR'S OH MY!!!

Hypochondria runs in my family. I won’t say who I get it from or which side but I think as I get older I am becoming more and more of a hypochondriac. I know that the swine flu is going around. The other day, I noticed that I had a sore throat and freaked a little but it has since gotten better except for the mornings which is normal for me because I have allergies. Anyway, two of the women at work were out because their children had it. I was a little nervous but I have been maintaining my composure…until today. There is a guy at work…the kind that feels the need to get too close when he wants something. He was all up in my face and asked me for some reflux medicine. I don’t know if I just looked like someone that would have Pepcid or Tums…but clearly, I do and he asked me…breathing all OVER me…knowing he didn’t feel good. Even though I was a little offended by his question because he had to walk across the whole office with plenty of antacid candidates he might be able to choose from along the way…but he chose me. But…of course…I do have some. Even though my reflux issues have slightly improved, I still need medication for it. So, I found out that right after that he went to the Dr. and was sent home with the SWINE!!! Have you ever noticed that when someone near you is sick…you immediately think that you are too…since he left, I have become extremely tired, I have a headache, I got this weird pain in my side(I’m thinking gas.) and I’m slightly nauseated. Complete fabrication? Could be , could be…OR…I could be squealing like a pig in my bed soon for days. I have all but pumped Purell down my throat but it’s not really helping. I never run a fever, so I know if I get one…I probably have it. I am trying not to think about it…I mean this is a weight loss blog for Pete’s sake.
Phew…OK…now that I got that on my chest. Tonight is trivia night. This is the 3rd week in a row that we’ve played so I guess that it is now constituted as a “thing.” I am SO excited…because not ONLY did I make room for a couple of light beers to take the edge off the swine I probably got, I ALSO allotted for potato wedges. Should a potato wedge make me THIS excited? I mean really. I mean, thinking of the sacrifices I have made for these few wedges today, they must be pretty important. I had no morning snack, no cheese or mayo on my sandwich at lunch and IF I have an afternoon snack, it will be grapes that I’m pretty sure are raisins now. So, obviously, these wedges and I need each other. You might be thinking that it is totally wrong to blow all of your points at night because your metabolism slows and yada yada…whatever…my metabolism is higher in the morning because I exercise but after that I sit on my butt all day. It makes no difference. Now, I realize that I shouldn’t eat 2 plums and an apple everyday and then end all my nights with a fat, juicy Baconator from Wendy’s (I literally just got chills) but from time to time it doesn’t hurt to do exceptionally well during the day and then splurge a little at night…it’s not like I didn’t eat. Speaking of the Baconator, I think that what is on that thing totally proves that fast food places want you to be obese. What’s on it? 2, 3 pieces of meat? Cheese…bacon…mayo…ketchup…what’ missing? There is not one vegetable on the whole thing. They aren’t even pretending that there is one healthy aspect of this sandwich. That’s why it’s so good. We were speaking of the Baconators right? That wasn’t a Freudian slip or anything? Because, no lie, it pops up in my head every once in awhile.
Alright, I think that’s all for today. I really can’t focus. What I need is my mother’s cheek on deck so she can tell me if I have a fever or not. She would take care of me if I were sick..but she would also tell me if I wasn’t. I also wanted to clear the air about the profile “about me” info on the side. My Dad think that portrays him in a negative light. My Dad and I have a very honest relationship, but in a good way. We joke with each other about our issues of rotundity. For instance, I broke a chair not too long ago (seriously) and it was funny…I mean he told me not to…the point is, he isn’t mean…that’s just how we are so when I say he says I’m healthy…I don’t have father issues or anything. He just wanted to make sure that people didn’t think that. Until tomorrow…

The fries can't be THAT much worse than the baked potato...

Today, I went to lunch with a good friend from work and went to a place called FIG which stands for Food Is Good. I happen to love their food. Their niche revolves around fresh, organic ingredients. So, they are all uppity about their fresh food and yet, they don’t put nutrition facts on their website. Seriously? It’s 2009. With the exception of holes in the wall, there should be no restaurants that don’t have their nutritional information on their website...especially one that claims to be rich in nutrients. All that aside, I was trying to figure out what I can eat there and I can literally have one dish there that won’t put me at done eating for the day. It’s called the “Chicken Lo Lo.” This dish is 3 grilled chicken tenders on a bed of steamed carrots and steamed spinach…Blech...I mean the chicken is good but a girl gets tired of chicken and veggies every day. I went there because it was good company and it’s really close to work but I expected more. I shouldn’t be shocked. They smother everything in pesto, nuts and cheese so everything is loaded with fat there. Don’t get me wrong, I love their food and for the most part, the options are better than say a Whopper from Burger King (which sounds delicious by the way) but still, I like a light lunch so I can have a good dinner and the FIG wasn’t cutting it.
I say all that to say that MOST chains (I won’t say all) now have their nutrition facts on their website so if you are counting, calories, fat or points, you can usually figure out what you need to eat at that place. There are also multiple resources like: www.dwlz.com/ which has many nutrition facts and points for those of you who are into that sort of thing. There is also www.thedailyplate.com which has a calorie calculator and some nutrition facts. Finally, there is a site called www.nutritiondata.com which is very similar and includes nutrition facts on many things. I am telling you about these not just because they are awesome resources but to tell you that there is no excuse anymore for eating like a Hoover Vacuum when you eat out because “you don’t know what you can eat here.” If you know where you are going before you go, Google them and see if they have a site or a menu with nutrition facts. If they don’t, go to these websites and make your best guess as to what to eat. There are some exceptions but MOST places offer at least a grilled chicken salad that you can get with no dressing or a fat free dressing if it’s available. I know, I know everyone else is having a giant potato that has met many steroids and pesticides in its life, and it's piled high with pork BBQ, cheese, butter, sour cream and you are trying to convince yourself that the Fat Free Raspberry Vinaigrette you are eating isn’t “that bad.” Do you know what else is on that potato? Shame. That’s right. You’ve been there. You were sick of salads and you just thought…well I’ll get the chicken breast with a baked potato KNOWING that both of them come smothered in cheese and bacon and you’re all…well chicken is good…it’s protein and potatoes have fiber…clearly this is the best option. Come on now. Let’s be real with each other. Anything with bacon, cheese, dressing, alfredo, butter, sour cream, or anything that sounds remotely delicious is bad for you and you are gonna feel terrible after you eat it. I feel terrible when I eat it on the day that I give myself to cheat so I would especially want to pout in a corner with cookie dough if I ate like that on a week day. If you MUST stray from grilled chicken when you’re out…make it a grilled pork chop or a petite sirloin and if you are tired of broccoli…get the baked potato but ask for NO butter.
I am by no means perfect. I hope I don’t sound preachy because God knows that it was only last summer that I was debating not what I was going to eat when my family and I were on a cruise but if I was going to have one or TWO entrees…so I am right there with you. Every time I order a salad with the dressing on the side…I die a little on the inside. This is why I eat at home for lunch. A sandwich and baked chips are much more appealing to me than fat free Italian dressing. But, when you are with friends that can eat what they want and not gain weight, and you fantasize about them getting really fat and rolling down a hill, you CAN eat healthy. Don’t let them tell you that you can cheat just this once. One time isn’t a big deal…it really isn’t but if I know me…it won’t be just one time. I will sneak back to the same place the next night and get a to go order. No more excuses!