This isn't really the beginning.

I know that there are a million weight loss blogs out there so I am aware of my non-uniqueness. I am not yet a success story and based on my history of weight loss attempts, the chances of me turning into one of those heart wrenching success stories are not very high. Also, I know at this point, I am writing to myself. Despite my dreams of a Julie/Julia blog success, I realize that mostly my best friends will be the only ones reading my words. What I wanted to accomplish was a documentation of what it really means to try and lose weight. I don’t always eat the right things. I don’t always exercise. I consider my personal trials and triumphs to be directly linked to what is happening in my daily, personal life which I will also be sharing. Why do I want to lose weight? Well, I can tell you it isn’t for my kids because I don’t have or really want any. It isn’t for my husband because I don’t have one. Mostly, it’s because I don’t know life without a belly that extends past my jackets in the winter. I don’t know what space between my inner thighs would look like. I don’t know what my appearance would be with only one chin. I want to be healthy.

At this point in my journey, I have tried and failed several times. I went through a breakup (cliché I know) and didn’t weigh for three years. I decided I would take the plunge into weight loss again and tried a different program. I won’t name the program in case I ever say something not nice but just know that I use a point system. When I went the first time, I had decided on a number in my head that was in my mind a gross over estimation. Turns out I was only 3 pounds less than that. I won’t tell you what I weigh because I don’t think it matters. I wouldn’t want anyone to judge me or themselves based on a number that has nothing to do with them. I’m not embarrassed but I’m also not brave. I will tell you how much I lose as I progress. I am about 10 weeks into the program and I have thus far lost 27 pounds. Most of the pictures that are on the internet of me are from the neck up but here you won’t see those. These pictures are as real as it gets and I have to come to terms with them.

Just so you know some background…I live in the dirty south…specifically Alabama. I am 25 years old, single and I don’t care for long walks on the beach…obviously or I wouldn’t be fat. I have a job as a web catalog specialist (don’t ask what that means because I don’t know either). I am almost a graduate of Spalding University with a Masters in Fine Arts in Creative Writing Poetry. Don’t look for too many weight loss poems because in general they are emo and make people uncomfortable. I have a wonderful group of family and friends who all want me to have J.K. Rowling success. I have a crush. I am a liberal. I quite enjoy beer and tequila. I go to church even though I disagree with some of the politics and I have a Facebook that you can see all of this info on.

I won’t bore you with everything I ate today. I wouldn’t want to put everything in your face all at once. I will say that I contorted my points today and allotted myself 5 beers for tonight since I am going to play trivia. I also wanted grilled chicken tenders later and needed fat free ranch to go with them so I actually went to Full Moon BBQ where I know they have single packs of fat free ranch and walked right in and asked for a Diet Coke and one pack of fat free ranch. That was it. The girl looked at me less like I was crazy and more like that was the lunch I deserved to be having. Either way, I am very excited to have beer, chicken and broccoli the rest of the evening.

There are many things in my life that I have started and unexpectedly stopped due to major moments in my life like the Grey’s Anatomy finale, a trip to Cold Stone Creamery or a bathroom break. While I totally anticipate maintaining this blog as much as possible…it could be interrupted like the novels I’ve tried to write, the quilt I meant to sew and puzzle I never completed. Hold your breath…here I go…trying again and again.